Since the major religion in Alabama is football and since the Legislature has decreed in the Accountability Act that we should not tolerate failure in any form or fashion, it is therefore time that we also get serious about failing football teams.
After all, why should the state that made football history for the last four years by claiming the national title for college football stand idly by while high school football teams wallow in mass mediocrity?
According to information from the Alabama High School Athletic Association, last fall there were 384 teams competing in football in six different size categories. Of these, an astonishing 51 (13.2 percent) won only one game or less. (One of which, ironically enough, was Paul Bryant High School in Tuscaloosa, which had a perfect 0-10 record.)
The fact that more than 10 percent of our teams are incompetent is a statewide embarrassment. Obviously, too many coaches are not working hard enough and too many student-athletes are unworthy of being called such.
The Legislature should move immediately to correct this situation by enacting the “2013 Football Accountability Act.”
Beginning with the 2013 high school football season, any team that wins one or fewer games should be banned from competing the following season. All coaches associated with said team should be reassigned to coaching girl’s physical education classes since that would be more in line with their skill set.
The parents of any football players impacted by this act shall have the option of enrolling their child at a school that has a winning football team. And they will be allowed to receive a tax credit of $3,500 when they do so.
The initial ban will last for only one season. After that, the school may reinstate a football program; however, none of the previous football coaches may be re-employed, nor may any of the players who transferred be allowed to rejoin the team.
Any team which only wins one or less games for a second season will forfeit the right to have a football team for a minimum of 10 years.
Since this law will only apply to football coaches and players, no cheerleaders, members of a pep squad, team mascots or band members will be allowed to transfer.
This law shall remain in place until such time as every high school team in Alabama has a winning record.
Larry Lee, a longtime observer of education in Alabama, ventures into satire here